i feel like i'm perfect enough when you love me

i'm not a pretty girl like those who has been with you or
those who was close to you.
i'm not a famous girl.
i'm not smart enough.
i'm not a rich girl.
i have many flaw.
i may not always be what you want to be.
i can't be a girl that you've been dreaming of.
i'm not perfect and even so far from the perfectness.

but ......
when i know you love me just the way i am,
i feel like....
i'm perfect enough ..♥

hiding flaws but end up being selfish

Have you feel so mad at yourself?
Have you feel you really hate yourself?
Sometimes, someone will look so selfish, include me and you who're reading this,right?
Without realizing it, they may be so selfish to the other.
But do you know that sometimes they become selfish because of a reason?
They become selfish because they're trying so hard to hide their flaws.
They're trying to running away from their anger but instead they're trapped on it.

They might not have a choice. I mean they just have no choice except running from the reality. They're just afraid if you would keep a distance when you knew
their flaws.
They're scared if u would keep away from them.
To be honest, their heart is crying out.
They're so mad because they perfectly know they have made fault to you.
They surely know they aren't on the right side. That's a reason why they get mad and
then cry.

But don't you ever know it?
Sometimes it's only because they love you.
No, but they really love you.



-The End-

can't wait for sunday..

I actually didn’t feel good now. I mean I’m getting sick (again) *sigh*

Idk why am I so easy to get sick lately? I hate having flu. I freakin hate it . It doesn’t feel good you know.

I just got home from the hospital with my friends and suddenly my head felt dizzy after I was home.

And the thing is………………..i’ve been sneezing many times #hhhhfttttt. 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah I need something. I need something. I don’t need a medicine. I just need you *eh

Lol kidding!  xxx)  

                                                                                ****

Different from the story before, 2 days again is gonna be my special day. Hmmmm it’s gonna be my 5^th months anniversary with my boyfriend ^^

I’m so happy ^^. I really didn’t realize that time really flies so fast.  I’m extremely happy because almost months, I’ve never had a relationship more than 2 or 3 months hahaha  I feel so comfortable with him.

So i hope it will be long last……^^

I just can't wait for Sunday ......... <3

every problem has a way out^^

"I wish i could close my eyes until everything gets little better."

"I wish i would fall asleep for a long time and when i woke up, everything's just fine."

have that words come across your mind?

When you guys are sitting alone or staring straight at the sky or
lying down on bed alone in a dark room, surely sometime something come across
 your mind all of sudden. .
Sometime you guys close your eyes and then take a deep breath and then
throw it slowly just to feel relieved or even better.

When you all are in problem, you will start thinking something and wondering why it happens to you? Won't you?
Instead,sometime you will be wishing something awkward.

You'll always beg to God so that God will keep you away from your problem. Or you will be begging to be shown a way out.

Many things will happen in our life,whether it's a good thing or not.
But you have to be thankful for what you had.
God will never give you problem without giving you a way out.
Whenever you get mad just because something bad happens to you, just be positive guys.
You have to realize that there're many people who have problems and even
it's worst than yours.

So,always think positive to God.
And you'll get a way out soon because every problem has its way out ♥

My new happiness ^^

hi ^^
how r u all? whoaaaa it's been 2 months since i made some posts here.
uhmmm like i said before, i wanna share my story with my new one (u know that,i've posted about it bfr ).... :p
but the thing is, i don't even know where i have to start. lol . ok. kidding.

I was really happy since the 1st time i became his girlfriend (of course yes. no doubt at all).
we have been through many things even tho we're just about 3 months here. And even sometime we're fighting just bcs unimportant things. But so far, i'm really enjoying this relationship.
Sometime either me or him made each other mad . hahaha XD but that's a reason why i miss him over and over again. *chuckles*
ummm yesterday, one of my friend asked me about my relationship. and she was like
"eh how about ur relationship with reska?"
 then i was like "whuaa totally fine. we're totally fine"
then she said, "I haven't seen u sad or something like this now. Surely you two are fine"
and i answered "of course laaaa. i haven't looked sad right? yeah idk why but being with him,i always feel happy..It was totally different with my previous one" .................................

AND YOU KNOW WHAT ? Then something came across my mind. i thought why she could ask something like this. Did she always think that i never be happy with my relationship bfr,eh? did it look different, really? ._.
Hahaha now i should say "yes. it's really different."
i admit it that i rarely feel sad or whatever it is. I'm so thankful bcs we've never fought until hours or days.
Just need a little time and then we became normal again like there's nothing happened.

we took it about 3 weeks ago. we were at The Huk Family Resto ^^

Actually it was taken a few months ago and i edited that pic

for our 1st anniv hehehe

We love taking some picts with silly faces :p

HAHAHA WHAT A FACE....?!!!!!

it was same with a previous one but i just edited it :p

I LIKE THIS ONE !! REALLY !! Hahahaha

I never thought that he's perfect with his mustache *lol*

it was taken about 1 week ago. Hahaha it was really dark there,

but i forced to take a pict. XD

i'm gonna put some photos again here because i have to move our photos from my phone to my netbook.
But before i end my post, i wanna say something................

"It doesn't matter how many times we fight, how often we have fun, how many times we spend our time together. But, how many times we prove that we love each other perfectly, it does really matter" :)

I LOVE YOU REZ....{}

Have u felt it?

-Have you ever felt that u can't make ur dream come true?
-Have you ever felt that you are not able to get what you really wanted?
-Have you ever felt that you can't be the best for the person you love?
-Have you ever felt that you really wanna be together with the person you love for a long time but you never know what will be then?
-Have you ever felt that u're scared to lose that person?

-Have you ever felt you are so scared if the person you love will find another girl -another pretty girl?
-Have you ever felt scared if he will find she more interesting than you?
-Have you ever felt scared if he might leave you soon?
-Have you ever felt you're scared if he thought she's much better than you?

HAVE YOU?

And WHAT ABOUT ME?
Have I ?
Yes, I have. That's all because HE MEANS A LOT TO ME. :(

22♥

I have no time to post my story here . My love story, i mean. But know i wanna tell u all a bit about that.
but i'm gonna write down my story about him again if i can get online from computer.
Just wait guyssss.

I've told y'all that i was in a relationship right?
Yaps.
But idk . It feels like there's something ruins my feelings.lately.

Do i really love him? Yes i really do. I love him so much. And even i wish that i could have a long lasting relationship with him for sure.
I'm just kinda scared someday he wouldn't be the same person anymore. I mean he'll be different.

He's starting to make the last task in campus. I mean he'll be arranging his script to finish his study. I know he'll be busy afterwards.
BUT I WILL ALWAYS GIVE HIM SUPPORT. I WILL ALWAYS UNDERSTAND .
because i know that's all for his future.

I just hope that he would love me like the way i did.
I wish he would know how much i love him .
I might not say it frequently, but my feelings to him always be the same and
Even i will love him more and more. ♥

I might not have much time to be around you but trust me, my love always be around you and my support always for u whenever u need it.

♥ you

I Love You, Rezka♡

should i say goodbye?

hollaaaaa.
it's been 2 weeks i stop writing here.
i didn't have enough times to blogging. Btw, how are u guys?
I'm not okay. Hmmmmmm you know, from the last post here, my feelings wasn't good.
and now my feeling gets worse and even the worst.
In the morning i opened my twitter and accidentally saw him on my timeline. and I found out something.
He's in a relationship now. OMG. I was surprised and couldn't say anything at all.
Several days ago we had a conversation. I mean a short conversation. We talked about our feelings and ...............yaps finally i got the answer.We'll never be together. Never.
It hurts. Really.
But at least he said that he cared about me. That's enough for me.
Actually i've known that he was close to someone else. I knew it from twitter. And I've seen her from twitter too. I think she's pretty .hehe and they both look match. Really^^

So, what can I do now?i can't do anything except let him go.
I just hope that He would have a long last relationship with her. I hope she wouldn't make him disappointed and hurt.

For you there, thanks for making me happy. thanks for being 'just friends' with me. Thanks for being such a special guy for me. I won't regret our meeting. I won't regret everything. Congrats. Finally u found the right person for ur life. I wish you both will have a long last relationship ^^

"God, promise me that You'll protect his heart. Don't ever make him disappointed anymore. He deserves his happiness now. Let him get a faithful girl to accompany him. Let him get someone that will make him happy. Thank God for bringing me to him. Even though we wouldn't end up together, I'm quite happy meeting him and knowing him. But please God, don't ever make him forget me. I know God, it's Your best choice to keep me away from him . I won't blame on You. I know You have planned everything wisely and perfectly. I'll accept what You've given to me. Even though it's pathetic, I will always think positively. I surrender to You,God. I surrender everything to You. I know You might have prepared someone better for me, for my next life. I'll always wait for him. And until the time is right, I'll be waiting patiently. And when I got him, I promise that I would love him with all of my heart."

what can i do?

Hey how are you? Do you still remember me?

Seriously I wanna send a text like this to him. But I don’t have the courage to do that.

Because I know what the reply is. He might ignore my text or even just read it.  So I procrastinate sending it even though I always open his contact and write a message and then delete it again  after a few seconds.  I’m just not brave.

He seems hate me *guessing*. I always wonder , did he know all about me? Did he know everything ? Did he know what happened actually? Did he know everything I’ve been through all this time when we’re still close? I guess he didn’t know completely. He didn’t know well.

I really wanna text him but…….. whenever I think he hates me, I put off texting him. I’m scared if he would ignore my text if I texted him. I miss joking together with him. I miss the way he sent me a good night text. I miss having a stupid conversation with him.

He thought that I didn’t appreciate him. But I didn’t mean not to appreciate him.  He didn’t understand what I mean actually.  He misunderstood. He thought I compared him to a bad guy.  No, I didn’t.  I just need a process. I need a process because I just broke up with the previous one. I want him to understand my process.  I said to him that I was kinda not sure of his feelings because of my experiences before. When I said it, It meant I wanted him to make me sure that he’s serious. I also need to make myself sure that I forgot my past. Gue mau yakinin perasaan gue kalo perasaan gue udh ada di dia bukan di masa lalu gue. Gue juga mau yakinin perasaan gue untuk dia karna gue gamau setengah2 sama dia. Gue mau yakinin perasaan gue juga karna gue gamau main-main sm dia karna gue kan jg udh cape punya hubungan yang  main2. Gue mau punya hubungan yang serius sama dia. Dan itu semua butuh proses 

but when I’m on that process, he’s gone…………….

So, what can i do now? :")

cukup-cukupinlah ya^^

Sumpah ini gak disengaja. beneran deh gak bohong. haha daritadi emang lagi nulis blog eh ini winamp malah muter lagu-lagu melow. parah kan? iya parah! eh tapi setalah diteliti dan ditelaah lebih lanjut ,ternyata playlistnya rata2 emg lagu-lagu gituan. lalu yg salah siapa dong nih? :/
Rasanya nih ya mau gue nyanyiin itu lagu-lagu ke dia. (astaga gak mungkin lah coy. bisa2 dia kesel dgrnya) *miris*
 Kalo kata afgan sih gini "Jika aku bukan jalanmu, ku berhenti mengharapkanmu. Jika aku memang tercipta untukmu, ku kan memilikimu" . Nah yaudah pasrahin aja semuanya sama Allah o:)

ga ngerti beneran deh ini otak kenapa. bawaannya bengong terus. ya ujung2nya sih mikirin si itu. Kayaknya sih gue rasa ini sindrom kangen ._. ahaha ya tapi emang iya. gue kangen kok sama dia. Soalnya dia itu lucu. Dia bisa buat gue ketawa ^^ uhm tapi gue udah gabisa memulai lagi. He has ever said that i'd be better if i made sure of my feelings first and then we can start again. but i guess it wouldn't work out. because i know we have no chance. Tapi jujur, kalo Allah tiba2 ngasih kesempatan lagi ya gue akan dengan senang hati mengambil kesempatan itu. boleh dong ya berharap? yakan?yadooong hehehe.  ya walaupun realnya gue tau, kesempatan itu emang ada dan nyata di bayangan gue, tapi bukan di bayangan dia.

hmmmmmmmmmm sepertinya mungkin gue harus jatuh cinta sendirian (lagi)
Mungkin jatuh cinta sendirian itu udah cukup buat gue sekarang. yang penting gue masih bisa nikmatin rasa2 itu. Biarin aja rasa sayang ini tetep ada disini,di dalam dada gue,di dalam hati gue . biarin rasa itu tetep ada sampe akhirnya dengan sendirinya gue cape sama rasa itu sendiri. Apa itu akan lebih baik yaa? Ya tapi mau gimana hayooo? Mau maksain lupa?mana bisaaa :/ Tapi tetep berharap ada secercah harapan*aseek* ( tapi gaboleh berharap tinggi ntar jatuhnya sakit loh)
Gue doain dia selalu baik2 aja,ga sakit lagi trus ga sering2 tidur pagi, lancar terus main band-nya dan satu lagi ga akan kecewa lagi karna siapapun. Gue akan doain terus, kapanpun itu^^  hehe

keep smile :)

Hay.

I feel so bad today. I just got home then sitting here alone and then writing here.

I don’t know what I’m feeling now. It’s so messed up. Even I couldn’t focus on my study in class today.

I feel like there are a thousand people stabbing my heart. It hurts me. Really. Sakitnya emang ga keliatan tapi rasanya itu sakit bgt hehe

Umm last night I sent a message to him. I apologized to him. I said that I was fault. And even I said to him that I love him. I know it’s useless and it looks stupid but I have to say it no matter what happens later. I didn’t care whether he just read it or not. The most importantly I’ve said what should I say. And then we had a few conversations later . But he just gave me a short reply. I understand maybe he  was angry and maybe he was lazy to talk to me. But at least I was brave enough to tell him even though it made me look stupid. I said to him that I love him . I lost him. I miss him . I told him that I wanted to start again but I didn’t even know how to start it again bcs he seemed like he hates me.  So I didn’t force him.  Because I know he already gave up on me. Then I have no choice now. I should give up too. I should let him go. But………………………. It’s not what i want. Really.  What  want is…..I wanna be together with him. I want to fix it all. Just it. But it’s late. I have no chance. I have no choice except give up.

He said that he didn’t like me getting over here. And seriously the last text from him really hurts my feelings. I admitted there are a few the right things that come out from his mouth but not all of them are true.  If he really knew all about me, then he wouldn’t say like that. :’) but seriously, when I read it, I was surprised and then I felt like my heart was being stabbed at that time.

Maybe I have to fix everything alone. Again.  I like him . I love him. I'm not going to get rid of this feeling quickly. But I’m just gonna enjoy this feeling  like there’s nothing happened.

Moreover it’s not the first time for me to fall in love alone. I’ll keep this feeling till it’s gone by itself over time :)

I hope he’ll always be happy. I hope he wouldn’t get hurt by anyone else. Never .I hope all the good things will come to him everytime, with or without me :")

Keep smile ^^

just like that.

My love for you:

"It is simple and it is pure and it is clear , there is no buts about it, no reasons and no prerequisites."